Working Late

It has been a while since I last had to stay late for work. My last memory of running around like a headless chicken was during HMM time and that was out of doing something I am interested in. Today Tonight, it is due to work.

A part of me wonders if I can do better in managing my time and work. I cannot go through a single day at work without a to-do list since I started this job. Even then, I still manage to miss out on a few work tasks! Talk about being forgetful!

Do I procrastinate at work? Sometimes. But I try to force myself to concentrate on the tasks at hand and once I get going, I am usually able to focus. Yet, there are times when the brain refuses to cooperate and I find myself trailing behind in certain tasks. I wonder if Mr Boss feels exasperated with me at times and regrets hiring me for the job.

*sigh*

I feel sorry for my colleagues though – my team of designers and programmer. My mismanagement of time had caused them to stay late several times to finish up work or even coming in to work over the weekend. Perhaps it is time to buck up, seriously buck up, on my end. After all, there is no longer any excuses on self-pity or getting over a heartbreak. I have surpassed them all in the last 2 months. I have stop wallowing in self-pity. I have pretty much dealt with my personal life and problems. I am on my own two feet again. My emotions are stable. With my personal life coming to normalcy, I have the time and concentration to work on my career. This I must do and do it well for I do not like to fail.

I know I can do it. Perhaps it is time to try EFT and practise the law of attraction. I seriously need to clean up my act so that I can be fair to my team.

Life as it is

It was Sassa Lyn’s 1st year death anniversary 2 days ago. It felt like it was just yesterday when I found out the shocking news of her passing.

I was going through the many drafts left in this WordPress dashboard when I stumbled upon a piece where I wrote briefly about Lyn’s passing a year ago. I don’t quite remember why I never finished it or posted it up but I guess it is time to post up what was written 12 months ago; no matter how brief it was.

One year ago, Lyn passed away from stroke. She was only 32.

I do not know Sassa Lyn very well but we had hung out with one another in group outings in the past before. She was the very same person who provided me with juicy gossips and news to chew on on the ex-manager of mine from my first job. She had also dished out some really good advices for me when I was in a dilemma on what to do with that ex-manager. Although I hardly see her or hung out with her back then, I had always thought that there would be many more chances in the future to catch up with her – dinner, movies, outings.

Life is such a fragile little thing. One second you’re alive, the next second, you’re not. How many of us have actually gone through such life altering experiences? Experiences where you thought you’re turning into dead meat? Moments where your whole life literally flashed in front of you?

Those sort of situations can be managed because if you come out alive from that experience, it forces you to appreciate your life more. It’s the unexpected that is hard to manage. In the past year, I have seen Lyn’s friends mourned for her. I saw some of them at their lowest and a part of me was in awe at how big an impact Lyn must have made in their life for them to take her passing so badly. Don’t get my wrong. I am not envious or felt remotely anything close to that. Just in awe. And also sad that I will never have the opportunity to get to know her better.

I also felt a sense of irony when I realised that it was Lyn’s 1st year death anniversary 2 days ago. Over the weekend, I found out that a distant relative had passed away. She was only in her early 30s and apparently, had been suffering from cancer for many, many years now. What made me think in disbelief was the fact that I just saw her during Chinese New Year this year. She looked so healthy and radiant – pretty as always. There were no signs of pain in her face at all.

Sometimes, I cannot help but feel that the death of those we know are a reminder from God or life to remember that we do not have always and forever to live our lives. We should always seize the day, do the things we want, make ourselves happy and most importantly, live life with no regrets.

Carpe diem, anyone?

By the way, if you can, and if it is not too much trouble for you, please include Lyn and my cousin who had left us in this world in your prayers. I wish I have a way to find out and confirm that they are in a much better place now.

The Unexpected

Life is so unpredictable, isn’t it? Just when you think you are getting the hang of things, it throws you a curve ball that upsets the balance you have carefully built to a comfortable level.

Life has never ceased to amaze me thus far. Then again, if life is monotonous all the time, then what is the point of existence in the first place, no?

Take, for instance, the break up with the ex. I admit, I was comfortable with what we had. Very comfortable. Unexpectedly, the break up happened and I was pushed out of the comfort zone. The break up was the curve ball and I find myself having to readjust my life and viewpoints of the world from another perspective.

Another good example is my debut in dance. I have always been complacent in life. Always not being brave enough to try out new things. Always end up in envy of others who were passionate and bold enough to go after what they want and love. Unexpectedly, life threw me another curve ball in the combination form of Fluffball and Short+Sweet Dance. It was a challenge to get out of my comfort zone and boy, did I grab hold of it and hang on tight.

There is a long list of unexpected things that had happened in my life. There is no need to go into details for each one of them. Whenever something unexpected happened, I find myself constantly struggling to make sense of things be it good or bad. Whatever way that I had reacted to each and every one of it, I am glad that these unexpected events had made me into who I am today – not perfect, with flaws but still human with the ability to love.

One or two unexpected things have recently cropped up in my life. I will not go into the details yet as I am still trying to rationalise things out in my mind. Are they good or bad things? Depends on how you see it. One thing for sure though, it has made me slightly happier in the past couple of days.

Still, I am not brave enough to jump in in it wholeheartedly yet. Yes, fear is holding me back but for a good reason. I do not want past mistakes to repeat and I want to be fair. Only time will tell, eh? (And hopefully the brain is not too muddled up to think logically. Heh.)

Quizzical by Juliet the Orange

I tried doing a quick search on Google for Juliet the Orange, a Malaysian female duo who were somewhat popular back in the 90s. There does not seem to be much about them and I am pretty sure they have already disbanded as you do not find any new songs from them anymore.

Unfortunately, I do not remember much about their other songs. Fortunately, I love this particular song to bits because it is so fun and cheeky! I was hoping to post a video link of it here but most videos found in YouTube are personal projects instead of the actual music video. If you are curious about the song, do a quick search on YouTube and delight your ears with this song!

Quizzical by Juliet the Orange

I don’t even comb my hair
When I wake up in the morning
I’ve always been like that
My clothes are on the floor
And I just don’t have the time to put them back

Ladida da da
Ladida da da

Is this what you truly want for a girlfriend?
Or am I just someone you find pretty cute for a good time?
Don’t go breaking my heart
I think very deeply and I hold very dearly from the start
So why do you still love me?

I’m so useless in the kitchen
And my cuisine is lousy
It makes you want to curl
My toes are awfully huge
And I am not just the stuff that makes a girl

Ladida da da
Ladida da da

Is this what you truly want for a girlfriend?
Or am I just someone you find pretty cute for a good time?
Don’t go breaking my heart
I think very deeply and I hold very dearly from the start
So why do you still love me?

Pardon me … I’m quizzical
Pardon me but I’m quizzical
Pardon me … I’m quizzical

I don’t even call you baby
‘Cause that’s what I call my dog
It would have sounded funny and so strange
Don’t expect me to be crawling over you
For maybe I am just a poor unromantic
Why do you still love me?
So why do you still love me?

Two Months Down the Road

Time flies. At the blink of an eye and it has been close to 2 months now since the break up.

Have I been keeping tabs on the days? No. I just happen to notice the dates because of work. And it hit me out of the blue that come this 29th, it is exactly 2 months since we ended our relationship.

Isn’t it a wonder how things can change so much in such a short span of time?

We were still talking about getting married and having a future together in the first quarter of the year. In less than 3 months’ time, things spiralled down and before I knew it, there was no longer “us” or a future with us in it.

I have taken the time to go through a journey of healing in the last 2 months. It was not easy neither was it a smooth journey. Life goes on though and in these short span of time of 2 months, I have not only gradually found myself as an individual again, I have also realised that I am able to take up new things.

One door closes and another open. It is a wonder how apt the timing can be. Maybe, just maybe, God has all these opportunities planned out for me. In order to encourage me to appreciate life and stop feeling devastated at the end of a relationship, I was given the opportunity to perform in a dance on stage – something that I would never have dreamed possible in a million years but have always yearn to do! I came out of the experience feeling blessed. Blessed to be given the opportunity. Blessed to get to know new people. Blessed to have the opportunity to heal the pain in my heart in a different way.

There are times when I still think of him. However, it is getting less and less now. It is such a relieve to not go to bed with him as the last thing in my mind and wake up with him as the first thing in my mind anymore. I remember, a week or two after the break up, where I woke up several times at night and the first thing that crept into my mind was him and how he ended things with me. That was so horrible I finally woke up with a throbbing migraine for the rest of the day!

Although I still think of him as a lameass (:P) at times, I do admit that he has his plus points and nice side. I wouldn’t have dated him if he was not nice, no? I see it now, that we are 2 very different people with 2 very different perspectives in life. Our brief relationship reminded me of the saying, “People come into our life for a reason, for a season and for a lifetime”. He was in my life for a reason and for a season. He is not meant to be in my life for a lifetime.

I wish him well. I wish that he would finally be able to find happiness for always. I wish that he would gain more maturity when it comes to being in a relationship. And I wish, from the bottom of my heart, that whomever he choses to settle down with, that he will treat her right and vice versa. With that, I must learn to bid him adieu.

When the Cat’s away, the Mice will play

Ever heard of the above phrase before? If you have, good for you! If you have not, please google it for its meaning? I am too lazy to explain the idiom here.

If I can summarise the feelings the whole office has adopted today, it will be using the above idiom. Mr Boss was out of the office the whole of today, tied up in meetings and stressed out about getting new businesses in for the company.

The rest of us? Well, we did do our work. Just…with less intensity and we took more frequent breaks in between our work to play games on the PC or surf the internet. You can actually feel that everyone is more relaxed and chilled out. Including those whom are fasting. I like to experience this sort of feeling once in a while at work.

It is peaceful. It is calm. It is good for the soul.

What does it mean…

…when a guy, who is single, available and has a bachelor’s pad, asks you to come “lepak” at his place sometime?

A. He’s lonely and wants some company?

B. He genuinely just wants to “lepak” with you?

C. He wants to make a move on you?

D. All of the above?

What say you?

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I Go by Pete Teo

Considering my love to share lyrics of the songs that I fell in love with, I have decided to set up a new category for it. Something which I should have done ages ago.

I have watched Talentime a while back and blogged about the impact it had on me. Throughout the movie, I fell in love with most of the songs played in it.  A lot of it were hauntingly beautiful and the tune just keep playing on loop in my head. I vowed to find out more about the songs but what with time and life getting into the way, I sort of forgot all bout it.

Until today.

I was browsing around the web, doing a tiny bit of blog-hopping when I stumbled upon a post, where the writer posted up I Go by Pete Teo, a song that was performed in Talentime. Listening to it again brought up a rush of heady feeling in me. The beautiful notes churned out by the erhu (Chinese violin) are hauntingly sad, yet beautiful.

I really have to share the lyrics here. It is one of the best songs I have heard in a long, long time from our own local talents.

I Go
So long, fare thee well
The dancer and the dancing days have taken leave and fell
So turn down this bed of stone

Quench me with the deadly nightshade from the rose that you belong
The long December rain is falling now
Running down on streets to nowhere
Music is my life,  you’re my sweetest nightingale
But I can’t hear it here no more
And I go
I go

Hush now, don’t shake or break
Words have fallen silent like soldiers to the grave
No matter what they do or say
Lay me on the sleepy meadow by the tracks upon your face

Lyrics originally posted by Pete Teo.

The week of 17th August

I was actually writing on-and-off on one post about the drama of my birthday eve and first half of my birthday for a whole week. Looking at that post today, I just somehow felt that it is too outdated to share. Somehow, I have just lost the steam to continue writing and post it up.

There are so many posts that are outdated, especially on my experience in performing Nunuk Ragang and the pleasant and much loved feelings I felt for my birthday. I really have to push myself to write them all down before the details of it all become too fuzzy.

*sigh*

Anyway, I thought I had better write down a few quick points on the latest things that had happened this week so as to unburden myself from digging too hard into my brain when I finally find more time to blog.

• Fluffball will be choreographing for Sehati Berdansa!!! I knew she could do it and I am so proud of her! She was lamenting about how she wished she could do better in the auditions but I have always have faith that she will emerge shining and at the top, especially for performing arts. She has done it once again!
• I am performing in a dance again! Nothing as fancy or as big as Short+Sweet 09. But I am grateful that Fluffball has the faith in me to pick up the dance in a short period of time and perform it within days after learning it. Now…to make sure that I do not step on my pareo and fall flat on my face when I dance today…
• I had a haircut! Snipping off my long tresses is quite a big step and improvement on my side as I love having long hair. However, after playing around with the idea of having a short bob for a few months now, I finally found the time and courage to get the deed done. And I have no regrets! I love the new bob and nearly everybody who saw the new picture I posted with my relatively short hair has nothing but nice things to say.
• Emotionally, this week has been somewhat trying for me. I still think of him at times and the heart hurts that bit whenever it wanders close to memories of him. I still wish I could beat him up to a pulp to let loose all the pent-up anger and frustration I felt towards him. Is that normal?
• Contemplating life. The meaning and existence of life itself. What is our mission here? Will it do to live life all by ourselves without a partner? Wouldn’t that be lonely? I am not sure if I can truly be alone for the rest of my life without someone special to love me and care for me. I truly salute Mum for her courage to keep on living her life after Dad’s passing.