Rumbling rambles

Disclaimer: Nonsensical rants ahead. Read at your own accord. The writer will not be responsible for any added stress or combustion out of hilarity.

I don’t know if it’s just me or other people. I think it may be me. My intolerance for irresponsible, double-standard, know-it-alls and plain bitchy people is at an all time high lately and I find myself getting into that dark, sulking corner more and more often. I hate what I’m turning into!

Gone are the days where I’m just another bubbly blond (hidden in a Chinese girl’s body) going on about life. I find myself getting more worked up about things that concerns me greatly and that may not be a necessarily good thing for me. Am I just a busybody who likes to nose her way into things? I don’t like to think so but I guess some people may regard me as such. Argh!

Personal life is going fine – the bf is good to me, friends are good to me, life is treating me well in that aspect. Now, work life on the other hand is going not so fine. There are many ups and downs working in my present office but the downs seem to bogged me down a lot, a bit too much than I would like to allow it to. I put down to my passion for the work that I’m doing, for the people who benefits out of what I’m doing. Yet, I’m gradually allowing it to take a toll on my health, without my really able to control the stress that builds up considerable.

I’m having nightmares about work again. Quality of sleep is lacking considerable as a result of that. I find myself ever so tired even with 7 hours of sleep. I tried detaching myself from my work but it’s not easy. Some of the people whom I have to work with is not conducting their work professionally, at least in my opinion. Things are constantly rushed through without proper procedures and for such an anal person like me, doing things without at least half the proper procedures just gets to me greatly.

Yes, I admit, this is my very first professional job after graduating from Uni. But it doesn’t mean that I know absolutely nuts or I’m lacking in common sense. The bf thinks I’m too sensitive for my own good, especially in my working environment and I wonder if he’s right in that area? There is a possibility that my sensitivity makes me take things seriously, even though some people may not entirely mean what they say.

I’m feeling miserable with work for quite a while now. It’s not the work per se that I’m miserable about. It’s the stupid people and situation I have to deal with everyday. Don’t anybody mistake me for being condescending or more superior than the rest cause that’s exactly NOT how I’m feeling. I’m not being condescending nor am I feeling more superior. I just feel that although there are many ways trying to get one thing done, we should do our best using the best possible way to get a task done. Not going around pushing everybody, wanting the job then delegating the job and once the job gets done, take credit for one’s ownself and ignoring the rest who helped one do his/her job.

I hate it when that one person says that we are all working as team when he/she clearly is not being a team player. Don’t freaking come to me and admonish me by saying that I’m not a team player when I’ve clearly kept him/her in the loop of all the things that happened! I was kept in the dark about his/her work and no one knows exactly what that person is doing. There’s just no quality control with the work and I found out today that that same person may have cheated off a designer’s pay just to prove how capable and good he/she is at his/her work! That’s very, very unethical and it’s something that does not sit down nicely with me! Gosh! There’s so many things that I’m upset about it’s not funny.

Sigh…I wonder…if I’m being too sensitive for my own good in the bigger picture.

A poorer country

Face it, people. Malaysia is now officially a poorer country compared to its glorious rich state 10 years ago. It’s evident when the Government have to cut down on the subsidies no? Changes have to be made in many areas, especially the comfortable lavish lifestyle that everyone is used to.

I know I have to change my lifestyle. Even more so if things should go according to plan. There may be some good news somewhere next year.

How to react to catty remarks

All answers are optional and dependent on the readers’ own personality. Answers may not be necessarily right. Pointers below are based on the writer’s own experience/choice.

1. Smile and keep quiet.
2. Smile and politely make a joke out of it.
3. Ignore it.
4. Play dumb.
5. Change subjects.
6. Return the favour by spewing a catty remark back.
7. Oh…I don’t know! What else do you think it should be?

The negative vibe at work has lessen tremendously since a certain person decided to exit from the company. Her konco-konco are still around but without her presence, they seemed to have lessen the fuss that was created earlier. I’ve received practically nil in catty remarks since her departure. The only thing which I’ve received thus far was being completely ignored by her one staunch supporter and believer.

The work environment is finally bearable and it really does provide great relieve to me, especially when I was helplessly verbally attacked for weeks and months for absolutely no reasons at all save for guilty by association. Despite the environment being bearable these days, I still can’t wait to get out of this place and try something different for my own career sake. Hopefully, something good will come my way soon.

A miserable month in May

May 2008 has really proven to be a really bad time of the year for me.

After the recent neck and shoulder muscles sprain which happened earlier of the month, things started to look brighter for me. I had a great time in Bali with BB and there was nothing to do there except to eat, sleep, sight-see, shop, going for spas and visiting the Hard Rock Cafe and Hotel at night (BB has a friend working in Hard Rock) for some music and fun. The whole entire week in Bali was just pure relaxation for both BB and I and I came back feeling very much rejuvenated. The rejuvenated and relaxing feeling dissipated in less than 4 hours when I got back to KL, all because of work stories which reaches my ears.

I tried to resist absorbing the stories from work as much as I could but to no avail. My source wouldn’t stop yapping about work and before I know it, *wham*, I can feel the stress from work gradually seeping into my being. As I returned to KL from Bali on a Friday, I had the whole weekend to recover from any jet lag that I may have. And the whole weekend was somewhat of a torture for me because I was torn between switching on my laptop and checking my work email out and the determination to enjoy the rest of the freedom I temporarily have away from work. The latter prevail, only to a certain extent because the mind refuse to not think about work.

Went back to work on a Tuesday because Monday was Prophet Muhammad’s birthday. The moment I got to my cubicle, waaaaaaaay before I even had time to set up my laptop, work started pouring in left, right and center from my colleagues. Took a few deep breathes and composed myself before I dive into the pile of work. Went around to my colleague from my own division, my HoD and the CEO to gather bits of information on work updates during my absence. You may wonder why I had to go to my CEO for updates – he’s quite a hands-on person who likes to get involved in the Corporate Communications Division’s affairs especially when it comes to marketing and branding matters. I think he just doesn’t quite trust us with our advice and opinions especially considering that I’m a freshie out of University. I can go on about how I’ve proven my worth as an employee and colleague to others but let’s just leave that for another day’s story.

Anyway…after gathering all the updates and information that I needed, I sat down, analysed the workload in front of me, and suddenly realised that I’m taking on extra workload fit for another 2 people because the company is currently understaffed!! Pushing the growing panic aside, I breakdown the workload to a few parts so that they are more manageable and arranged them based on urgency and priority. Started to work on the load almost immediately and I’ve been working til late in the office for the past 2 weeks.

Now, working as the internal PR person for a company doesn’t require the PR person to work til late all the time. We’re only required to work til late when we have events (which is far and few) or when we have a certain deadline. Internal PR people always have a much flexible working schedule compared to those attached to hardcore PR agencies. Hence, for me to work til late nearly every night for the past 2 weeks means there’s a very, very, very tight deadline and there’s just so much work to do! I know, work is neverending but I was near to frustration and tears when the deadlines seemed almost impossible to achieve. It didn’t help when there were other internal and external factors that got into the way of work. Factors which could have been avoided if some people were not so petty with me.

2 weeks of hard work and late nights and *wham* again, my shoulder muscles decided to strike a protest and put themselves and myself in agonising pain for the weekend. The pain was too much to be handled to the point where the bf insist that I get it treated at Damansara Specialist Hospital. So there I was, on a Saturday evening, waiting for my turn to see the MO in A&E. There was surprisingly A LOT of people in the A&E and for a second, I thought I may have enter into a hypermarket instead. Yep, it was that noisy and crowded! When the MO finally got around to attending me, she only prodded my poor muscles a couple of times, grunted a few words and prescribed me with some painkillers. I was asked to return on Monday to see the orthopaedic surgeon if the pain persists.

The weekend flew by with nothing interesting going on because of the pain I was in. Poor bf had to accompany me the whole weekend doing nothing except for a bit of reading and watching DVDs. Before either of us realise, Monday morning was upon us and I decided that I’m feeling much better compared to the weekend. I proudly declared to the bf that I’m a ok now. Guess what did the bf do to me? Nag, nag and nag before deciding to threaten me with him breaking a promise he made to me. Yep, I can be such a stubborn cow sometimes. The bf was only successful in getting me to go to the surgeon’s after the threat was issued out.

Went to the surgeon, got myself checked and was informed by the surgeon that I had a recurrence with the muscles pain. The surgeon proceeded to explain that the muscles are weak and I have too high a demand for them. I was then instructed to continuously perform simple exercises that will help strengthen my muscles for the long term and prevent a recurrence so quickly.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was what happened to me after I got back from Bali. No time to enjoy the post-holiday relaxation a bit more before I had to immersed myself in work. Work my poor muscles into agonising pain. It’s Thursday today and I’m still on painkillers and muscle relaxants to help me sleep peacefully throughout the night. I have no choice but to slow down on work this week despite the deadlines for fear of provoking the pain to heighten further.

Hopefully, my burden of workload will lessen tremendously when the new PR manager comes in tomorrow. I know certain people are questioning her abilities to lead and perform (I am one of the guilty parties) but I’m more than willing to give her a benefit of a doubt not only for my own sake and sanity, but also for the division’s and company’s sake.

*fingers crossed*