My first published writing

It’s really, really exciting to see everything that you’ve worked so hard on and written being published in the newspapers. Even when you’re name was not published.

I’ve been doing in-house PR duties for 4 months now and it has given me many opportunities to meet up many people and listen to them tell their story on how they got their ideas and especially on the hardships that they face on their journey in entrepreneurship. One good thing that came out from working in this company, especially a GLC, is this particular opportunity. Listening to the entrepreneurs talk has arisen a passion in me to highlight their stories and help them garner publicity, which in the long run, will help them get investors interested in their products or services, which at the end of the day, will be commercialised. Think about this. The ICT and high technology products or services that are all Malaysian innovation will be used by international companies like Microsoft! How cool is that?!

Trying to get our entrepreneurs featured in the media is no easy task. Yes, it is in my job scope to do so but because I care so much about getting them into the media, I’m always bugging my entrepreneurs to give me the relevant information that I need and I’ve been liaising with the media constantly, especially one particular English paper where they have a weekly column which works very well to promote and feature my entrepreneurs. Monday was the first time ever where that column featured one of my entrepreneurs and I was so excited and happy to see the article printed out. Best of all, I saw nearly every word that I wrote was published, especially in the company profile section. It gives me so much satisfaction to see that article and I know that what I’ve been doing thus far in the company for our entrepreneurs are well worth it.

It saddens me a little to think about leaving these entrepreneurs when I leave the company in the future. But until I line up another job, I’ll continue working hard for my entrepreneurs who really deserve all these attention after all the hard work they’ve put in and all sorts of problems that they’ve faced, even bankruptcy.

Moving On

I’ve pretty much made up my mind. I’ll this company either after the launch of the second product or in September, when I’m officially here for a year.

Frankly, I like my job. I really do. I like what I’m doing, I like my tasks, I like talking to people who would like find out more of what we’re doing here. Yet, there are other elements that are stifling my growth as a professional here. I have a superior who constantly feels threatened, thus is always territorial. This particular feeling has led to her leaving a colleague and I both constantly out of the loop with things and deadlines. Things are always sprung on us on the last minute and we’re expected to deliver even if we have to complete it within a ridiculous time. Now, if unplanned things or events were sprung on us last minute, then I seriously have no problems with it. But when things were actually planned out for weeks and we were not informed about it until the last minute, now, I have a serious problem with it. If it happened once or twice, then alright, it could be a oversight. But all the time?!

Office politics are rife everywhere. But the office politics here is worse than I’ve ever known or heard. I’m treading on egg shells all the time and I have to choose my words ever so carefully in order not to offend anyone, else I’ll have a very big price to pay. I’ve been indirectly told that I should always keep the important people in the company in the loop of whatever I do. I don’t know if I should take offense or look at a brighter side of things because I have been keeping everybody in the loop of whatever that I do! It’s not my fault if they did not open their emails!

I confided in a friend all my frustrations from work recently. His conclusion? As a junior executive in the office and as the youngest person ever in the whole team, whatever negativity that the seniors felt and whatever issues that were overlooked in the midst of stress, will be channeled down to me, where I am in the receiving end of the whole ordeal. Even if I was not at fault in the first place. And it is very, very frustrating. I understand the whole hierarchy structure in the office. I understand what it means. Yet, I still hope for some fairness to happen. Very idealistic, that I know but I just can’t help it!

I know that if I bring this up with people with loads of experience, most will advise me to just take a deep breathe, count backwards from 10 and continue slogging onwards, even with all the crap and politics flying around the office left, right, back and centre. Now, if I’ve been working for quite a few years, if I have enough experience, I will probably just grit my teeth and deal with the work problems while ensuring that I deliver my work in time. But, think about it, I just graduated last year, this is my first job, I am an empty sponge, ready to absorb all that I can to help in my career and I seriously do not think it wise that I keep on absorbing negative ways of work which will be a disadvantage for me in the future. I really do not think that the environment now is a conducive place for me to learn things which will be deposited into my bag of tricks for future career enhancements.

The only reason why I decided to stay this long til the launches are done, or up until I’ve gathered enough experience in a year, is because I want to build a solid enough resume and portfolio. I need to prove to Mum that I can gather some good stuff from this company, despite all those unnecessary conflicts. The networking opportunity here is good and that is what I will concentrate on. Building up good contacts for future references.

For my next job, I want to work in a PR agency. I need to pick up enough tricks to sustain me before I even dare contemplate on doing in-house PR again.

How’s 2008?

How’s 2008 been treating everyone so far? I sincerely hope that things are working out smoothly for everyone. The same could not be said for myself though.

2008 started in a bad note for me, as posted in my previous post. I’d fallen ill twice within the last two weeks and thankfully, have recovered now, although I’m still on antibiotics. =.=

Things at work have greatly deteriorated to the point where I’m currently feeling particularly demotivated to work. Working in a majority female population in the office runs the risk of hormones being at an all time high and decisions being made based on emotions instead of logic and rationality.

There will always be internal politics no matter where one works. That’s a sad fact that nobody can ever change. Hence, the only way to get myself out of such internal politicking pit is to thicken the skin, do my work, whine less and play dumb at times. My mouth has gotten me into trouble many a times and I think whatever that is going on in the office right now may have been fueled further due to my own carelessness and motor mouth. I blame it all on naivety and thinking aloud.

It’s rather miserable and suffocating to be working in an environment where one is kept out of the loop at most times and given a cold shoulder by your immediate boss at other times. Especially when your immediate boss got reprimanded by the big boss and suspects that you’re the mole who betrayed her. Even though you knew you did not do anything to betray the trust.

No matter what happens next, I’m going to stick it out til the end of the year before moving to greener pastures. This is after all only my first job. It’s just natural to want to move on to better perks.

In the meantime, a healthy dose of patience will be prescribed while trying to thicken my skin to go through 2008.

Lesson NOT learned

It’s funny how one goes through life.

After a bad break up, after a bad experience in life, we keep telling ourselves that we will not be repeating what we did in the past. We tell ourselves how we’ll do better the next time around, how things will only get better and better after a downtime low. We tell ourselves that we’ve learned our lessons, how we’ll be wiser when we’re facing the same situation again in the future.

But guess what? Despite ALL those things that we tell ourselves, we do not always listen to what we’ve promised ourselves to do. We end up REPEATING all the things we said we will NOT be doing again.

I know it’s a brand new year and it’s New Year’s today but I’m just gonna go ahead and be a wet  blanket here.

I find myself feeling feelings that I wished I’d never felt again after all those things I’ve been through. I find myself doing things that I promised I will not do again, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. I compromised waaaaaay too much and even though I do demand for certain things to go my way, I find myself compromising a lot to make the other happy.

I’ve done too much compromising in the past for the ones I love/d. It’s all about being more selfish now, about my own happiness, about what I want. Yet, at the end of the day, I change a part of myself for those I love.

I was looking forward to a great time ushering a brand new year in. However, at the end of the night, I ended up having a miserable time. Why? Because I compromised again to make someone happy. And with me being miserable, I affected the way that someone feels too when in the first place, he was happy.

Sometimes, I ask myself, “What the hell am I doing right now?” There are also times when I feel that I’m abnormal with the way my feelings and mind work. I’m repeating things I promised I wouldn’t because I’m in love and I just want to make someone happy. All by compromising a part of myself.

There were sooooo many times when I wished I could be cold and professional all the time. I wished I didn’t have feelings or compassion or empathy. Sometimes, I wished I was not even born human. I rather be a robot where feelings do not come in play. How weird is that?

Having feelings is what differentiates us from animals. When there are good feelings and one is happy, one will be on a constant high. But when one feel low, and I mean extremely low, one would probably feel that things in life will not be going up anymore, which is in my case most times.

At the end of the day, despite all that I try to do to prevent myself from repeating past mistakes, I find myself not learning anything in my past to improve my life now. I’m very close to repeating what I do in relationships and I’m so scared of hurting not only myself, but also the other party.