I think Murphy’s Law is trying to get me

If one were to look at my blogging history, I think the title for this particular entry would be one of the longest ever titles I ever had. After all, I’m always bogged down with writer’s block at the most inappropriate times and I pretty bad at thinking about titles.

This time around, I thought I’d just let what I really think be the title. It’s the easiest way and frankly, I don’t think any other title would best describe what I think right now. So there it is, I think Murphy’s Law is trying to get me. “How?”, you may ask. Simple. It’s all in the fact that I’m now stuck in one of the R&R along the North-South Highway.

I was down in KL for the past week having start work in my new and first permanent job. Uncle Andrew had informed me that the car I was planning to buy from him would be ready this weekend and thus, I rushed back to Penang after work on Friday. The bus was more than half an hour late and by the time I reached home, it’s nearly 3 am already. I was swaying around on my 2 feet by then even though I did sleep on and off during the journey back home. That was how tired I was.

The rest of yesterday was pretty uneventful. I managed to get quite a load of my work done (yes, I brought work back to Penang cause I have a deadline!) and thought I’d do a little bit of blogging since I was kinda inspired then and also because I haven’t been blogging much these days. So, when I’m done with my entry, I click “publish” as usual. But lo and behold, I was informed that IE couldn’t detect the connection and when I checked the Internet connection, I found out that I was actually disconnected from the Internet and I didn’t even notice it! All those typing and feelings of inspiration just went down the drain without a moment’s hesitation.

*sigh*

Today, I planned to start my journey back to KL in my own car (finally, a car I can called my own!) by 2pm the latest. But it started to rain heavily and there was some other matter at home that forced me to start my journey later. So after driving for 2 hours plus non-stop in the heavy rain, I decided to take a break to rest my eyes and also empty my bladder ( ). But when I got back into my car, the horror of all horrors for women drivers begun. My car wouldn’t start at all! I tried cranking it up a few times and to no avail. I called Mum, had a few conversations with Uncle Jeff, another few conversations with Mum again to calm her worry, then got told by Uncle Jeff that he’ll be coming down to see what’s wrong with the car. And so, I’m stuck here in the R&R. For at least 2 hours the most. 2 precious hours where I could have just gotten myself back to KL if I didn’t decide to stop for a break.

And now dear readers, don’t you think I’m right in thinking that Murphy’s Law is trying to get me? All the signs of one bad thing happening after another did not happen as frequently as it would but bad things still DID happen and I’m still stuck here at the R&R. I wonder how long I got to wait and how late it’s gonna be when I finally reach KL. And I still got to get up early tomorrow morn to get to work cause it’s the first day of work for our

A bad case of food poisoning

This is definitely a case of very bad luck to have come down with food poisoning, just a day before I plan to go down to KL. What with the last minute packing (what’s new there!) and getting things settled in Penang before I start this journey called Career in KL, Lady Luck just had to give me a lesson by allowing me come down with food poisoning.

Mind you, this is the first time ever I have ever gotten food poisoning. For some reason or other, I’ve just never experienced food poisoning before. But with gastric? Now, that’s a whole different story. Anyway, yesterday was just like any other day. My tummy’s not been feeling very well for the past 2 weeks or so and I put that down to a mild case of gastric cause gastric has always been my best friend since I was 9. I had an early lunch with Aunt Sandy and went for a quick round of shopping to look for a new pair of shoes for work. When I reached home, I was feeling a tad nausea and decided to take some Zantac and a quick nap before I resume my packing for KL.

The quick nap turns out to be longer than I’d like and I ended waking up at 10 minutes to 5. Damn! I was in a rush to get out of the house to pick Mum up from work, but not before I tried to make myself puke a little cause the nausea feeling was just getting really bad. After picking Mum up from work and on the way home, I was getting more and more nauseas and all I wanted to do was lie down. Which I did immediately the moment I got home. Mum thought that I had a serious case of gastric and was telling me to go see the doc when I feel a bit better. I just gave her a grunt and fell asleep again.

Nevertheless, I woke up several times in the next 2 hours to find myself rushing to the toilet to heave out my lunch 3 times and experiencing diarrhea once before I could muster up enough energy to crawl into the car to look for the nearest available doc to attend to me. To add on to my whole misery, my stomach was in excruciating pain whether I’m vomiting or not I thought I was going to black out any time soon.

Thank goodness it was just the beginning of food poisoning and I do not have fever and neither do I need to have a jab. But that did not stop me from having diarrhea 2 more times or puking my guts out once throughout the night. The pain in the stomach had decreased today and I have already stopped puking since I got up this morning. The urge to puke is still there once in a while but other than that, I’ve gotten much better compared to last night albeit feeling very, VERY weak right now.

Anyway, this is going to be one of my last entry for the time being until I get my own Internet connection up and cranking when I’m down in KL. Oooh, and I’m getting my car by the end of next weekend! *excited excited excited* It’s not a new car, just a second-hand car that I’m buying from my uncle to get me from A to B while working in KL. But hey, it’s still a car nevertheless! So I’ll be back in Penang next weekend to get the car and bring down more of my things down to KL. Til I come back alive in the World Wide Web again, be good you people!

Tick, tock, tick, tock

Hands up those of you who have not seen your besties good friends friends for years! Anybody? Was it you? Or him? Or her? I’ll shamefacedly admit that I’m one of those culprits.

I’ve never been the type who’s good in keeping in touch with friends. When I leave a place filled with friends, we’ll have the usual “we’ll keep in touch, we’ll come visit, etc” filling up the air moments before anyone of us leaves. And so maybe the first few weeks will see us diligently keeping in touch with one another via email or MSN. Another few weeks down the road and the emails come sparingly. Another few weeks after that, it will be a miracle if an email even comes along then. Sometimes, the fault lies in me. Even with technology so advanced now, I’m still too lazy to type a reply to my friends. However, there were many a times when the fault did not begin with me. I’ve taken many initiatives to contact or keep in touch with friends before but more than half the time, my good intentions went unreciprocated.

Anyways, I was mindlessly washing up plates and cutleries in the kitchen when before long, my mind start to wander all over the place. Again. I tried to remember the friends whom I have not met for years prior to my leaving for Perth back in early 2006 and boy, oh boy, was the list in my mind ever so long! Can anybody believe that other than a few handful of friends of mine, I have not seen any of my other schoolmates since we graduated from high school back in 2000? That makes it nearly 7 years since I last saw any of them! 7 long years! Wow! Though at the end of the day, I had no one but myself to blame for not going to any of the gatherings that they had organised throughout the years. I had no social life back then or rather, I was not allowed to have a social life back then courtesy of the ex. Nevertheless, that was a story from a long long time ago and given the chance, I would like to meet all those girls whom I’ve shed blood and tears together with in the 11 years of my school life. That is if they would still like to have me around despite my disappearing act for so long.

Isn’t it a wonder how time flies the moment you hit 20? It seems like I’ve done so little and achieved nothing in the last 5 years of my life. Are there any regrets in my life? Definitely, there are a few regrets in life. Would I change them if I were ever given the chance to? You know what, I don’t think I’ll ever wanna change anything. Even if I do regret some of them. Before anybody start thinking that I’m weird, let me just say that I wouldn’t be who I am today and what I am today without going through what I had. Everything that had happened to me before, be it big or small, everything that I had ever experienced is some sort of lesson for me to learn, something which helps me grow as a person, something which would probably be useful to me in the future. A few years ago, I wouldn’t be thinking the way I do right now. Now, I’ve learned to try to see the positive angle in everything that happens. Plus, I try to believe that everything happens for a reason that only God Himself could understand, no matter how bad a situation might be.

Back when I was 17 and living in and out of depression, I had the opportunity to meet a really nice man named Kenny. Kenny’s only 4 years older than me and despite all those stereotyping about how a man a few years older than us really just have the same maturity level with us, Kenny’s actually more mature than all that. For a 21 year old back then, he sure had his goals and ambition for the next 10-15 years worked out nicely. I guess the environment he grew up in and the people he surrounded himself with had taught him to be more street wise, which helped him matured faster than expected.

Back then, I was a really troubled kid. I’m not very sure if the people around me noticed what was going on with me but one very clear indication that I’m not me was my grades in school. Has anybody ever scored 8/100 in a school exam? No? Well, that person was me. Despite studying for that particular paper, I answered everything wrongly. It came to a point where my teacher asked me to the front of the classroom and asked if I even studied for it in front of all my classmates. He was indirectly trying to suggest that I was lazy and wanted to humiliate me in front of my friends. And humiliation was what I felt. Thinking back, the teacher might have just blacklisted me for some unknown reason and was trying to sabo me huh? Whatever it was, the year 2000 was an especially unbearable year for me and it drove me deeper and deeper into the black hole known as depression.

Despite all those minor troubles I got myself into, Kenny continued being my friend. He shared some of his life experiences with me and was there to reprimand me when necessary. But the one thing I remembered most about him was this particular advice he had for me.

Time doesn’t go by slowly. It flies! And for every second that had passed by, you’ll never be able to get it back. You may feel that time is passing you by very slowly now but take it from me, after you turn 20, you’ll realised that time is really flying past you. You’ll never have enough time in a day and you’ll be wishing for more of it. So live life to the fullest!

A few months after that, Kenny left for Adelaide and we eventually lost touch with each other. I’m not sure if he still remembers me but he’s always been in my mind. If I ever have the chance to see him again in the future, I would like to tell him how right he was about time!

So boys and girls, time is precious. We should live life everyday thinking that today might be the last day of our lives. Go out to the world, have fun, meet your friends, be happy! It’s easier said than done, this I know very well. But never give up trying to live life to the fullest. I know I’m gonna make more effort to contact my old friends and try to catch up with them. And that is just the first step of many other steps that I’m gonna take (hopefully!).

Dreaming weird dreams

I’ve been dreaming a lot lately when I sleep, which is something out of the norm. I am usually a light sleeper and tend to not have dreams at all. The few times that I do manage to fall into deep slumber were all dreamless moments. And during those times when I do dream, I usually wake up without any memory of what the dream was about or who I dreamed of. It’s akin to a case of amnesia the moment my eyelids flutter open. All wisps of dreams just disappear without a moment’s hesitation. They just refuse to linger in my mind long enough for me to remember or try to make sense of them.

However, of late, the past week or more to be precise, I’ve been having many dreams when I’m in slumberland. The weird part about the whole affair was my ability to remember most of the dreams, even after so many days had passed! The other weird part of it all? I’ve been dreaming of so many people! People who I have not seen in years, people who are dead, people that I miss dearly and even people whom I see all the time. If I were to dream of only a handful of people, then it might be easier to explain, ie I miss them or I would like to meet them soon to catch up. But a whole load of people?? What does it all mean?

Now, I’m not the sort of person who believes in deciphering dreams. But if there were a first time for everyone and everything, this will probably be the first time I would like to try my hands on deciphering my dreams. Yet, there is a huge problem to this though. My dreams are not the common type of dreams that are easily found in books or the Internet for deciphering ie naked in front of a group of people, etc. In one of my dreams, I dreamt that a group of my seniors from school (6 of them to be precise) are dead! They’re very much alive in the real world just in case anybody starts wondering. In the dream, they were victims of some monster who’s practicing witchcraft and the school’s discipline teacher is one of it’s head honchos! How much weirder can a dream get huh?

I will not start describing the rest of my other dreams because there’s just a few too many. And really, there’s no need for anyone to start helping me decipher the above mentioned dream. I just find the whole occasion very weird, that’s all.

The ONE word tag

There was actually another tag from Jo that I have yet to complete but since this tag is easier, let this be done with before I think bout the previous one.

As the title suggest, I can only give a ONE word answer to each question asked. Answers will be in bold.

Where is your cell phone? Bed
Relationship? Single
Your hair? Straight
Work? None
Your sister? None
Your favorite thing? Reading
Your dream last night? Nightmare
Your favorite drink? Coffee
Your dream car? Mini
The room you’re in? Bedroom
Your shoes? Uncountable
Your fears? Rodents
What do you want to be in 10 years? Successful
Who did you hang out with this weekend? Mum
What are you not good at? Sports
One of your wish list items? House
Where you grew up? Penang
Last thing you did? Drink
What are you wearing? PJs
What aren’t you wearing? Makeup
Your pet? None
Your computer? Compaq
Your life? Boring
Your mood? Bored
What are you thinking about right now? Anime
Your car? None
Your kitchen? Small
Your summer? Beach
Your favorite color? Pastels
Last time you laughed? Just
Last time you cried? Weeks
School? Alrite
Love? Waiting

So there boys and girls, I’m done with the tag in less than 5 minutes! Not gonna tag cause nobody does them when I tag anyway. >_<

A decision made

I’ve been rather jittery about job prospects for the past 2 weeks or so. After turning down the offer by a certain hotel, I was bogged down by uncertainty and negativity. Many “what ifs” tormented my mind in my every waking hour and the feeling of it all was darn torturous. The reasons of my turning down the offer are all clearly etched in my mind. Yet, I can’t help but feel that I might perhaps make the wrong decision due to the reaction of everybody around me.

“It’s a 5 star hotel!”

“That’s a prestigious establishment!”

“There’s going to be a lot of politics going on in there and it’ll do you good to pick up on how to handle them.”

And the list of exclamations went on and on. Not to forget the indirect tone that were used when such phrases were uttered to me. All of them were telling me that I’m stupid to forego such a good chance of working for such a well known establishment, especially when it’s a 5 star hotel.

I was feeling quite frustrated with the reactions of everyone around me to the point where I started to refuse to discuss about my insecurities and choices to anybody except for a few chosen and trusted friends. Family members were totally out of the question because they are the ones who build up the fears in me, whether they realised it or not.

The offer from the very first company that interviewed me came in the form of a fax on Tuesday. What the company offer me differs quite a lot from what the hotel offered me. Didn’t help that Mum was using a VERY JUDGEMENTAL tone when she said that I should have taken up the offer by the hotel. Despite the initial surprise of it all, I still felt that I should give it a go because I really think I might enjoy learning the ropes of the industry through a group of experienced people. After sleeping on the idea of it all and gathering more information about the terms and conditions stated in the letter, I have finally decided to take up on the offer. Anybody who disagree with my decision can go F themselves whether they are family or not.

Believe it or not, I nearly had a row with Mum last night concerning the offer given by the first company. Like I said, I NEARLY had a row with Mum. It didn’t happened because I chose to keep quiet instead of answering back. Oh, the row was already at the surface and could happen anytime but I chose to grit my teeth and kept quiet. Of course, there was a look of displeasure on my face but still, I kept quiet and ranted about it the moment I left the house to go for a drink or two with my bro (who’s really a good friend but I’ve called him “Kor” since I knew him years ago cause we’re both only child). Anyways, when I returned home, the boiling temperature of the row had drop drastically and Mum and I had calmed down considerably. And it was then that I told her how I felt about her tone of voice and chosen words and how I avoided us from arguing by keeping my mouth shut.

Mum gave me a grim smile when I told her all that. Not a nice smile but it was still a smile nevertheless hence indicating that we would be able to talk more openly without any accusation or ridicule or negativity. Which we did. Once again, Mum repeated what she told me earlier on during the night, but this time, in a nicer and more subtle way without any negative vibe coursing through her body.

“It’s your life girl. It’s your decision. I have long stopped trying to meddle in your decision making choices since you graduated. Of course I’ll give you my opinions and whether you want to listen to it or not or take it into consideration, it’s all up to you. But you know I’ll never stop worrying bout you and your life. Anyway, how your choices affect your life is that, it’s your life. YOU will have to LIVE with it. Not me. I might enjoy some of your success but at the end of the day, it’s YOUR LIFE. Not mine.”

I agree with what Mum said. It’s my life after all. It’s my own career we’re talking about and it affects only me. No doubt Mum will always be there to support me but I can’t always rely on her. I’m a full fledge adult now, had been for years now. There are times when I’ll depend on her to help me out but that was due to laziness (:P), not due to incapability. I know Mum may not be very happy with my decision in choosing to accept the offer by the first company but one thing I know for sure – she’ll continue to support my decision and stand behind me to catch me just in case I fall. That’s my Mum for you.

Sentimentalities (if there is such a word) aside, I’m starting work on the 24th of this month! I’m now a mixture of everything – excitement, fear, joy, woozy, reality, etc…ARGH!!!

Ramblings of a desolated soul

With one chapter of my life closed and a new one starting soon, I’ve begun to wonder what I want from life from this moment on. A career is definitely somewhere in the plan, but what sort of career do I want? What do I really want from life? What sort of things would really make me feel fulfilled? Or contented?

During one of my interviews last month, a question was posed to me. “What do you want in 5 years time?” Back then, the question seemed a tad insignificant. It was more like a question to test my suitability for the position that I was applying for. A month later, now, the very same question got me thinking more deeply about life in general. Well, not just any life per se, but about my own life, my own future, my fears. So what do I really want in 5 years time? In the interview, my answer was to continue doing something I’m happy with in my work. The answer I’d given was very general. One of the interviewers was happy that I didn’t answered, “I want a husband”. LoL. Jokes aside, I’m actually at a crossroad right now.

During my college and uni days, I’d been more focussed and more ambitious about what I wanted in life. When Mum wanted me to stopped studying cause I was doing so badly in A Levels, I’d fight with her (not literally but verbally) for the right to continue studying so that I’d graduate with a degree. I had hurt her in the process but at the end of the day, I was glad I’d fight for my rights because I wouldn’t be what or who I am today. Now that I’d finally gotten my degree, I’m at a complete loss on where I’ll go next. I’ve always known deep down inside me that I wanted to do something PR related. But will I feel contented with it 5 years down the road? Would I still enjoy the challenge and be happy with my chosen career?

A good friend recently told me that we are all getting paid to get work done and hence, we shouldn’t work too hard because nobody is going to appreciate what we do. What she said does make some sense but I do not agree with her completely. When you enjoy doing what you do at work, it doesn’t matter much how much you’re getting paid right? It’s the satisfaction of getting your work done that makes everything worthwhile. Even if nobody appreciates what you’ve done, it’s more about self-fulfilment no?

Work and career aside (which is currently non-existent at the moment), I found myself discussing and debating on the topics of relationship and matters of the heart quite often these days. Which is kinda scary cause I’ve never debated or discussed so much on either topic even when I committed myself to relationships. Does being single trigger off such topics in me? It doesn’t help that I’m being slightly more cynical on both subjects these days. Of course I still have friends who have romantic ideas about what love is and should be. I still have friends who has ideals on what should and should not be done in a relationship. In fact, I still have friends who still set criterias on what their future partners should be. I listen patiently to whatever they have to say but deep within me, I can’t help but think that they’re all still living in a world of fantasy. I’ve gotten more realistic (not necessarily materialistic) and yes, I do have certain set of criterias that I wish my next partner would possess, but those criterias are not fantasies – they can be realistically obtained. What those criterias are, I’m not going to reveal. Not matter what great love stories I’ve heard from friends, I found myself not being able to see it happening to me any time soon. Or ever. See how rife cynicism is in my life now?

I know I’m too young to feel wary about life right now. But what do you know? I’m feeling it right now! How can a person in their 20s like me feel wary about life when there are people in their 30s, 40s, 50s, heck, even people in their 60s and 70s still feel so alive? What is wrong with me? I know I’m not going into depression again because I’ve been there before and I never want to go back to that big, dark hole. It’s easy to fall into it but even harder to climb out of it. You can’t help but to want to stay in the hole and wallow in self pity all the time. That was the old me. I’ve grown up a little now. There’s still traces of the old me residing somewhere but having great friends around had lifted me up from THAT hole, moved me away from wallowing in self pity, changed me to be a better person. Yet, there are still moments of uncertainty as this. I guess it’s not too late to make some resolutions for the rest of the year now right?

Quote #8

Education is the most powerful weapon you can use to change the world. - Nelson Mandela

Jobless and home alone

So. Thursday was my last day at work in Uncle Andrew’s office. No feelings of melancholy. No feelings of missing anybody there. I think the fact that I’d only been working there for 2 months was part of the reason. Another reason will have to be the fact that I’d never allowed myself to bond too closely to any of the staffs there. Not that I didn’t want to. The level and methods of communication are just to vastly different for us to bond at a comfortable level. Knowing that I’m related to the boss sure discourage them even more. Anyways, it’s good to finally be able to relax at home. Now, I actually have 101 things that I should be doing instead of sitting in front of the notebook and typing away here but I just keep thinking that a few more hours of doing nothing but going online wouldn’t harm anyone. Yep, doing nothing but procrastinating again. Typically me!

Job hunting is definitely not easy, especially more so when you have no contacts at all. Would anyone believe me if I said that all resumes that I’d sent out myself so far had yet to get back to me while the other resumes that I’d sent out with my friends’ recommendation had already interviewed me? In fact, I was offered a job in the hotel industry the very same day I attended the interview! Good news no? But I turned down the offer. Before anybody started throwing comments about how stupid I am, let me justify myself a little here. First, should I accept the offer, I’ll be the only Communications Officer in the WHOLE establishment, even though it’s only one of the many branches. Being a fresh graduate with no experience whatsoever and with no media contacts, I’d prefer my first proper job to be in an establishment that has people with seniority guiding me and teaching me the ropes of the industry. I do not want to be thrown to the wolves the moment I start working! Overall, I was left feeling intimidated when I was given a week’s time to think over the offer.

The second reason that drove me to turn down the offer is the person whom I’ll directly report to. I kept getting the vibe that there’ll be lots of clashes of the will should I take up the offer. Plus, I just keep feeling this sort of negativity aura from her towards me, even though she was desperate enough to offer me the position. So, if anyone of you were to be in my position, will you still take up the offer? I doubt anyone would.

Right now, I’m waiting and still hoping to hear from another company. I’d known for a fact that they like me but to what extent is left a mystery. I pray to God that I’ll be able to start work at least by the end of this month. Staying home all the time is nice and dandy for the first few days cause there’s just nobody around to disturb or nag me about sleeping in and getting my much deserved R&R. But staying home for gawd knows how long til I get a job? You’ll soon see me growing mushrooms out of my head with cobwebs surrounding me all over! I love to have my “alone” time at times but there are also times where I need to be surrounded by people.

Until I hear from any other companies, I’m just gonna try to enjoy the time I have alone at home cause when I start working for real, I’d be wishing hard that I have more time to myself again. Ya, ya, I know. Me = typically female = indecisive = fickle-minded. So, shoot me!