For now…

Things are pretty much finalised now. I’d decided to stay put in Perth til my graduation ceremony which will be held at the end of March 2007. Til then, it’s going to be work, work, work til Mum comes down for holidays before the graduation ceremony.

I was still very indecisive about finalising the choice of staying or going back til a few days ago. Some people will probably call me lazy. Me…I would like to say I was procrastinating way too much for my liking. Initially, I was quite worried about any immigration or visa problems that I might encounter should I choose to stay til April 2007. However, despite my worries, I still continue to be too laid back and didn’t take any initiative to find any answers to any queries I have til last week. Now that I’d finally received approval for a working permit on my student visa, the decision seems more final and there’s no space for me to change my mind anymore.

Frankly, despite the surreality of my studies coming to an end, despite the fact that I know I’ll be going back to Malaysia by April next year, I am really not looking forward to going back to my own home country. It’s not because I do not love my country because I do. I am afterall born and breed there for the first 22 years of my life. Everything and everyone that I had ever known are all rooted back in Malaysia. But how does one goes back to their own country after reading so much news that repeatedly reported on the unrest that’s going on back home? The facts (or at least I try to believe that they are facts) paints a very disappointing picture of the country and it’s really heartbreaking to think that my beloved Malaysia has succumbed to problems that usually infest countries that are supposedly in a far worse situation than ours due to leadership and economic problems.

I am not proud of feeling the way I do now because I do not want to be accused of being an ungrateful child to a country that has protected me from the wrath of Mother Nature and wars for over 20 years.  Correct me if I’m wrong but wouldn’t any of you out there who has been away from your own country for quite an amount of time be worried about the future of all generations to come based on the situation that has now beseiged the country? I admit that I’m feeling rather frightful right now for my own future in my own homeland and it’s not all due to the uncertainty of the future of a fresh graduate, but also due to the political debate among our nation’s top leaders.

For the time being, I guess it’s better for me not to worry too much about what the future may hold for me. Instead, I should be concentrating on doing my best in my final projects to ensure that I do not fail any of my units this semester. >_<

Time flies

Time sure flies by real quick when you barely pay attention to it. It flies even faster when you’re after 20. Some of you may disagree with it but in my case, I steadfastly hold on to that statement because I find it quite true.

A friend I knew back when I was 17 (we have ceased to keep in touch after I finish high school) used to tell me to enjoy every minute of life while I can whenever I complained that time passes ever so slowly. He was 21 then. His explanation was the time always passes by extra faster after a person had reached their 20s and will continue to move in a fast pace, leaving not much extra time for other interests in life. I gave him a look of disbelief then, not because I think he doesn’t make sense, but more out of naivety and impatience. 6 years down the road, I realised that what he told me then is oh-so-very-true. If I ever had the chance to meet him again somewhere in the near future, I will tell him that he was right and I should have listened to him back then.

It’s hard to believe that the semester is coming to an end in a few weeks’ time. After the second week of November, I’ve technically completed my degree. In short, I’m technically done with my studies for the time being. I’m still thinking if I should pursue a Masters in the near future but that decision can wait to be made after I return to Malaysia. Once again, I’m wrapped in this sense of surreality. The surreality of finally “coming out” to the real world to work. The surreality of fending for myself in every applicable sense especially financially. The surreality that I must be more responsible (not that I’m not now) as an adult. The surreality of everything. I’m glad that after years of making bad decisions when it comes to my studies and finally struggling through the life of a student, I can finally leave it all behind and achieve my goals of getting a degree. Yet, at the same time, I’m feeling a little heavy hearted to leave it all behind cause it’s the only life that I had ever known. Despite the turbulence of feelings inside me, I’d come to accept the fact that nothing in life ever remains the same. The world is forever changing and so is life. I just pray and hope that I’m prepared for whatever that will be greeting me in the future. And in God alone I will lean on for faith and deliverance.

Other than my studies coming to an end soon, I’d just realise that it has been slightly over a year since I’d gotten myself out of a horrible nightmare – the relationship with the ex. Although we still do chat online once in a very blue moon (out of certain necessity), we’d pretty much stayed out of each other’s lives in this past year. During this one year’s time, I had to gradually build up my self-esteem and confidence which was destroyed due to the constant belittling and emotional abuse that I’d received for nearly 5 years. Things may have ended in a very ugly note a year ago. However, I’m just thankful and glad that I’d finally had the chance to find myself again among a new love, friends and a new place. It really was a new life and a new beginning for me.

Well, time sure flies by real fast at the blink of an eye. However, I’m happy to say that I’d learn a lot of lessons and gained a whole lot of knowledge in my 23 years of life on this earth. The memories – both good and bad – will be cherished because without them, I will not be who I am today. Let’s just hope that as every second ticks away, life will be appreciated by everyone because peeps…life is short.

p/s: It’s Win Nee’s birthday today. Happy Birthday and God bless you on your special day girl! I’m glad and thank God each day for sending such a special person like you into my life.

I am now incredibly and utterly tired. It’s been ages and I seriously mean ages since I last felt this tired. I feel like I’d been run over by several huge-ass trucks right now. My body’s feeling so weak and I could barely keep my eyes open. You would think that I’d be fast asleep right now. Which I was. Two hours ago. Until someone woke me up from my deep slumber. Although I’m so tired right now, I can’t go back to sleep cause my mind is wide awake, albeit the rest of me feeling the exact opposite. However, there are some reasons for my wide awakening state now.

For the past week or so, there had been another drama gradually brewing behind everybody’s back. A lot of people were kept in the dark except for a few chosen one, which includes yours truly. Frankly, I rather not be let in in the whole thing cause I’d been kept in the dark for so long when it comes to her life stories ever since THAT controversial drama between us and during that dark period of time (pun intended), I’d been living a rather peaceful ignorant life which was pretty blissful so to speak. There were no dramas to think or worry about, there were no controversies and best of all, I need not be extra careful with whatever I said or did. Thus, imagine my surprise when she started asking me to go on outings and sometimes, coffee sessions. I did went out with her a couple of times (other friends were included too) and because of that, she had started to update me about her stories and her opinions in things, just like in the past. I, however, did not react like I did in the past. Back in those time, I’ll be offering my own opinions or even dish out some advices when necessary. Now, I prefer to keep quiet and listen.

Anyway, they broke up and he went looking for her to check on her after she said some things that were quite worrisome. She refused to see him and will not allow him to enter her place, which leads him to come looking for me as a last resort. I was in deep slumber when I heard somebody knocking on my window. Imagine my surprise when I saw him outside my window. In that blurry state of mine, I went outside to the front door of the flat to talk to him. That was when he filled me in with most of the details and asked me to talk to her or comfort her should she want somebody to talk to and come looking for me. After he left, I was contemplating whether to call her and check on her when I saw a text from a friend, telling me that she had popped some pills again. I called that friend to find out what she knows about her. After the call ended, I made up my mind to wait at home instead of going over to her place to check on her considering that this is not the first time she popped those pills.

Now, what bothers my conscience is the fact that I can’t be bothered much to do anything bout it. Yes, I am worried about her but only a little. Yes, I am tempted to call her up to check on her but also only a little. The old me would not have hesistate to go to her side to offer her comfort and a shoulder to cry on. The current me just rather wait and see what happens next. Is being the way I am now a bad thing?

This situation had just started a chain of thoughts in me. It just got me thinking if the way I react towards this situation shows proof that I am no longer as soft hearted as I was and if that’s true, whether I had lost some sense of empathy and compassion in me. The problem with my life is that whenever I’m soft hearted and show signs of empathy and compassion, people tend to take me for granted and I’m treated like shit. But whenever I try to toughen up and stand up for myself at times, I’m accused of being a bitch. I wonder if the problem lies in me or if the world has something against me.

Anyway, it’s best not to read to deep on this entry because I do realise that I’m not making much sense here. In fact, half the time, I have trouble making sense of what I’m thinking too. Plus, keep in mind that I’m writing this at a dead tired mode. I’m going to try to get some sleep now. Hopefully, my mind will not start making unnecessary analysis and rest as it should.

p/s: I left the title empty because seriously, I can’t find one in my head right now that aptly describes what I feel. 

Boring Wednesday

Life has been pretty much a roller-coaster ride lately. Come to think of it, since when does my life or anyone else’s for that matter, doesn’t involve going up and down all the time? For those who pretty much go on their lives without much extremes of up and down, I envy you. Then again, if nothing extreme ever happens, what’s the meaning of life?

Anyway, here I am, on a boring Wednesday afternoon with nothing to do. The past several weeks had seen me being super busy for a few days with everything slowing down to a stall the next few days and that’s pretty much the routine for the next few weeks til the end of the semester. If you don’t call that extremes, I don’t know what else should I call the situation I find myself in right now.

*sigh*

So yeah, I’d been up til late working on some school work for the past few days and I’d just handed in a proposal to be marked yesterday. Today and the next few days will be quite relaxing for me, though I know should be starting work on my other projects soon. But ahh..the life of a student is to procrastinate and that’s what I’m good at doing most of the time. Haha…Thank goodness the PR project is more or less done now. The only thing we have to do now is to decide who’s gonna compile and edit the report and who’s gonna be presenting during the conference.

Back to this boring day. I’ve been doing nothing but walking in and out of my room to the lounge/kitchen and back all the time. I’ve cleaned up the flat earlier on in the afternoon. And now, I’m either staring at my notebook or indulging in some people watching whenever anybody walks past my window. This pretty much wraps up a very unproductive day. *blergh*

More flowers!

An early morning phone call this morning woke me up from my deep slumber. The voice at the other end of the line announced that he’s delivering some flowers to me but unfortunately, he doesn’t know which flat I’m located at. A few minutes after informing the exact flat number where I’m located, I found myself staring into a bouquet of flowers arranged in a basket and tied with a lovely lace ribbon.

Now, although I love receiving flowers from time to time, I’m no expert on the various kinds of flowers available, especially the flowers available in florists. So, based on my shallow knowledge of identifying flowers based on their physicality, the bouquet of flowers that I’d received were made up of yellow daisies, lavenders and maroon lilies. The combination of the colours will probably lead one to imagine the horrific clash that it may cause but frankly, it looks beautiful.

The flowers were from YK as a get-well-soon gift. I’ve been coughing for over a month now and it’s only lately that the cough got slightly better. But the coughing fits always attack in the middle of the night and early in the morning when the temperature for the day it at its lowest. I cannot always on the heater because apparently, the dry air is bad for my cough too. That aside, the flowers from YK were also a very sweet gesture because the flowers did not only brighten up my room a little, it had brighten up my day.

A sweet gesture

Somebody did a very sweet thing for me last night. It was totally unexpected and it was a very sweet gesture. And though this sweet gesture came from a guy, no, he’s not someone who’s interested in me. He’s a good friend’s bf. In fact, he’s Meiling’s bf. His name? Sian.

Meiling was at my place last night from 8pm to 2am. In that 6 hours, we were working on our research proposal for one of our units, Children and the Media. But before we got any work started, Sian came over to look for Meiling to pass her her books and medication. Initially, I left both of them alone and went into my room to get started on the proposal. However, a few minutes later, Meiling was calling me to come out from my room cause apparently, Sian had something to tell me.

So there I was, standing at the doorway of the sliding door, giving both of them a questioning look. Meiling was giving Sian a knowing look while Sian was looking literally uncomfortable, pacing around in the small courtyard. I saw Meiling holding a bouquet of white roses and squealed that it was a lovely surprise from Sian. Before I could say or do anything else, Sian held up a lone single rose to me and said that he didn’t want me to feel left out, thus getting a rose for me too.

Anybody else would have felt insulted in some ways or probably feel indifferent to the whole gesture. But for me, I felt really touched and think it a sweet gesture from him to ensure that I do not feel excluded at all. This simple gesture from him just proves my believe that he’s a really nice guy all the while. This and many other gestures that he had extended to me as not only Meiling’s bf, but also as a friend. I just hope that both of them will continue going on strong and in love cause frankly, he really is good to Meiling.

Godskitchen

I guess most of you will be thinking that this will be a review on some restaurant or cafe or even some gastronomic event. Boy, are all of you mistaken and in for a surprise. Here in Perth, Godskitchen is a once-in-a-year rave event where some of the world’s famous DJs gather around to spin good music all night long.

Tickets for the rave were sold out weeks before the event even took place. Friends had been asking me to go to the rave months before it happen but due to my own indecisiveness, I did not manage to get hold of a single ticket at all. Yet, I was determine to experience the whole rave thing cause I’d never been to a rave before in my whole entire life (not even back in Malaysia) and I’d been told that raves here are much better compared to the ones held back home. So determine was I that I wouldn’t mind paying for overprice door tickets as long as the bouncers allow me entry to the club. However, due to a friend’s good connections with people in the loop, I managed to get hold of a ticket and at a cheaper price than expected too.

So there I was in Metrocity (club’s name) on Saturday with the boys. Initially, I was the only girl among the guys. But after an hour or two, Candy, Sophia and Sophia’s friends all came and joined our group. The entire club was open to public, even the top floor of the club where you can access the helipad. The club was so packed that it was difficult to navigate among the sea of human bodies crammed so closely together. In the end, we finally settled down at a spot at the top floor where we could see the DJs do their thing.

The night started out a bit slow, with the first few DJs slowly building up the tempo and everyone’s mood to party. As the night progress on and different DJs took over the turntable at their slotted time, the crowd started getting crazier and the music just got better. I had never been a big fan of house and trance music, always preferring RnB and hip hop at any given time. However, that night at Godskitchen, I became a new convert. I’d always thought that house and trance music are only for Ah Bengs and Ah Lians. Boy, was I wrong! I never thought I’ll have so much fun at a rave but I seriously did that night! Eline was there too and came looking for me around midnight. Gosh..the both of us just had the craziest time ever, dancing and dancing like there’s no tomorrow!

Unfortunately, I did not stay til the end of the rave. By 4am, I was so tired that all I wanted to do was go home and sleep, especially since I had less than 5 hours sleep the previous night and also because I’d been on my feet bouncing and dancing practically the whole night long. It didn’t help that I was still kinda sick. It was too bad that I had to miss Cosmic Gate. Nevertheless, I was still around when Eddie Halliwell took over the turntables and jeez..he’s good! awesome! I got to say that he’s one of the main reasons why I became a convert of house and trance music that night. Yep, he IS that awesome!

After this memorable first experience, I really wouldn’t mind going to another rave or two to experience the atmosphere and music again. However, if I never get the chance to go to another rave again, that Saturday night will always be etched in my mind forever.

Click here to find out more about Godskitchen.